ALECIA’s husband wasn’t threatened by other men staring at her. On the contrary, he actively encouraged her to be unfaithful.
MARK is what you’d call a classic alpha male. He loved his family; his footy; his cars; his beer; his mates and he worked as a tradie.
I was 20 when I met him at football club event. I was attracted to him from the outset. He had a charisma that drew people to him, and he was a funny bugger. However, soon after we started dating, I noticed something different about Mark.
When another guy approached me when we were out, instead of walking over and protectively wrapping his arms around me, Mark would hang back and watch. He said he liked other guys to appreciate how hot I was.
Mark made it known that if I ever wanted to go home with another guy, he’d be cool with it as long as I told him every detail, but he did it in a kind of jokey way, so I was never sure if he was serious.
Turns out, he was dead serious
But as time progressed I found out that he made no secret of his fetish to his friends either. It was almost a joke among them. However I didn’t worry too much about it because he could fantasise all he wanted, it wasn’t ever going to happen.
I found the idea of being with another guy repulsive. Despite this kink, there was also something very prudish about Mark; he hated full nakedness. His own and mine.
We’d often have sex with the lights out, or else I’d wear a bra or lingerie. He’d always slept in his boxers on. I rarely, if ever, saw him completely naked.
When we’d have sex, Mark loved to talk dirty. His fantasy was always me having sex with another guy as he watched or that I’d go out and pick up another guy tell then him all about it.
This fantasy spilt over into real life. If we were out, he’d see a bunch of guys and ask me which one I’d let f**k me. Sometimes I would indulge him in his fantasy, other times I’d tell to shut up because it would annoy me.
All that aside, we were a happy couple
Our sex life was satisfying. We were adventurous, and sex was frequent.
We got on well, he was a good provider, very social and was keen to have a family. So I had no qualms about saying yes when he asked me to marry him when I was 23.
But his cheating fantasy didn’t stop. He got obsessed with me having sex with my tattoo artist. I’d come home, and he’d be like, “Did you have sex with him?” I would roll my eyes and say no.
Once we were in a club, and I was chatting to two attractive men. Mark came over and bought us all drinks. Then he asked one of the guys, “Do you think my wife is hot?” One of the guys said, “Yeah but I’m more into him,” pointing to his boyfriend.
Our son was born when I was 27. Naturally, I put on a bit of weight. I didn’t mind at all. I liked my curvy figure with my big breastfeeding boobs.
‘F**k my chubby wife’
However, Mark wasn’t attracted to me. Our sex life slowed down. It was kind of a relief because the pestering stopped for a while. Then one day, Mark came into the kitchen with his phone. He told me he’d put photos of my body on Craigslist and then presented me with a list of 10 guys who had responded to his ad.
I was so upset that he did it without even discussing it with me. I was equally appalled by the wording he’d used: “F**k my chubby wife”.
I started to feel bad that I couldn’t satisfy him. Our marriage felt as if it was on the rocks. We hardly spent any time together. He was often out with his mates; I was with my girlfriends. We even went on separate holidays. I could feel us slipping further apart.
I didn’t want to lose my marriage
I wasn’t only fighting for my relationship. I was fighting for our family unit. I didn’t want our son to come from a broken home.
I asked Mark to go to counselling with me, but he refused. I tried to change myself to fit what he wanted. I even let him pick my clothes to be the woman he wanted me to be.
In the end, I felt as if the only option was to indulge him his fantasy. Finally, I said: “Okay, I’ll do it, I have sex with another man”. Then he challenged me that I couldn’t get anyone to have sex with me in 24 hours.
Immediately, I knew who I could have sex with
Liam* and I worked together and had a very flirty relationship. He was single didn’t have kids and was genuinely a nice person.
He often told me about his hook-ups. I knew he would be up for it. I texted him asked if I could come over to his place. He was busy that night but told me to come over the next day.
I felt sick as I was getting ready to go out, but Mark was the happiest I’d seen him in a long time.
I got to Liam’s place, and we hung out drinking a few beers watching TV. I didn’t tell him that Mark knew I was there.
I felt an enormous pressure that I had to go through with having sex with Liam to please Mark.
We started making out then went to the bedroom. It wasn’t that Liam was terrible in bed, but I felt as if I was going through the motions. I wasn’t in my body at all because I was so in my head.
I didn’t even come close to having an orgasm, and after he finished, I cried as he held me. However, I couldn’t explain why I was so sad.
Then I got home Mark was waiting
His d**k was already hard as I walked through the door. I told him what he wanted to hear. He was hanging on every single detail. I’ve never seen Mark so turned on.
We had sex that night, but again I wasn’t in my body. Afterwards, I told him that I felt like a piece of s**t, his response wasn’t to comfort me. It was, the more I have sex with other men, the more I’ll enjoy it.
It was like this was the first step towards the sex life he craved. I said that I would never, under any circumstance, do it again.
My resentment towards Mark grew. Our arguments became explosive, and I decided that after 11 years together I just couldn’t be with him anymore.
I’m now with a new partner
We have a fantastic sex life based on mutual pleasure and respect.
My advice to women is never doing anything that you don’t want to do to please a partner. I’m not judging people in these sorts of relationships if you both want it.
But I knew it was never my thing, and I still did it to please Mark. That’s my biggest regret.
This story appeared on whimn.com.au and was republished with permission.