This week's episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians featured the second half of the family's big vacation to Costa Rica. Will Scott and Kourtney be unspeakably awkward toward one another? Will everyone weirdly gang up on Khloé for no reason in particular? Yes, yes, and duh. Let's get into it.
We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together: The episode picks up right where last week's left off, with Scott (essentially) admitting that he's brought a girl to Costa Rica. Once he's admitted it, Kourtney, Kim, Khloé, and Kris are all over him about it in a way that feels ... both too harsh and not harsh enough? They ask why Scott can't have the basic integrity and respect not to bring a side piece on a four-day family vacation, and Scott's reasons are what they usually are. He has to go to bed alone every night while Kourtney sleeps happily with their kids. He doesn't feel strong enough to be with them in the family vacation home without getting depressed. Finally, he snaps, "I'm a sex addict!" only to then admit in his testimonials that, no, he probably isn't, but he felt backed into a corner and wasn't sure what to say. Everyone throws water on him (Khloé also serves a line about keeping his dick wet) and storms out.
By the next day, everyone's friends again - I will never understand why it's so hard for any of them to stay mad at Scott - but Kourtney resolves to tell Scott that they're definitely not getting back together now. I'm pretty sure Kourtney has told Scott that at least a hundred times before, so I'm not sure what mumbling it to him by the pool (on camera, with the kids running around nearby) will actually accomplish this time. It feels like a throwaway conversation, not a serious change in the way they relate to one another. That said, Kourtney's life would be simpler if she started all of her personal conversations with, "I'm being serious and I'm not teasing; I just smile like this when I'm nervous." Seems like that could've spared her and Scott several years of mixed signals.
Khloé's Killjoys: Look, I'm the first to admit that I have some complex feelings about Khloé's place in the Kardashian family dynamic, and some of that might be projection. But what Khloé knows - what a lot of women who are in their 30s without kids know - is that if you're not married and don't have kids and want to stay close to your coupled-off parent-friends/loved ones, you're the one who has to make most of the effort. That's just how it is. And so it's totally understandable that Khloé would get really upset by everyone sort of going off and doing their own (not particularly adventurous) thing on a vacation she planned for the family.
That frustration turns into a fight between Kim and Khloé pretty quickly, although it's not clear how aggravated they actually are with each other and how much they're playing it up to create conflict for the episode (Kim calls her a "big bully"). Khloé might be sensitive and she might be a complainer, but she has a right to be annoyed about a vacation on which she's basically a glorified babysitter for Tyga's son. (Tyga and Kylie are apparently "holed up.") Kim eventually appeases Khloé by working out with her and apparently the girls are taking a Palm Springs vacation in next week's episode, which might help too? In spite of the tension, it winds up being a good trip, with the traditional closing dinner at which everyone shares their pit and peak of the vacation, but Khloé's frustration is understandable … even if "my family isn't relaxing the way I wanted them to relax" isn't the worst problem in the world.
Kris's Miracle Kure: At one point, when the family is bathing in a hot springs, Kris mysteriously starts pulling water bottles below the surface of the springs. Great news: She's not, as I'd originally feared, peeing in them. Instead, she's filling them with "healing water," because the springs can apparently help with her psoriasis. She spends the rest of the episode quietly misting herself with it. Do you, Kris.
Stop Trying to Make Fetch Happen, Corey Gamble: Corey's two contributions to the episode are complaining when water gets on his baby blue shirt and telling Kris that a sunset "looks like her"?? Hey, Kris, remember those headlines from a month or so ago about how you wanted to break up with Corey but haven't found the time yet? COULD YOU PLEASE MAKE TIME.
Kim's Day in Court: Throughout the episode, Kim is quietly (and not-so-quietly) freaked out about having to go to New York to testify in her French court case. She at one point describes the French government as "so great at finding everyone," which cracked me up a little. (Of course it's a serious situation, it was just a strange way of phrasing it.) While we don't see any of her testimony, I'm glad she shared the detail that the men who robbed her had been planning to do so for a very long time - they'd initially planned to break in on a previous trip to Paris but didn't because Kanye was with her. That's horrifying information, obviously, but it shuts down the haters who were victim-blaming Kim about the robbery, claiming she'd brought it on by posting pictures of her new ring. Then again, those haters probably aren't tuning into KUWTK to get the full story.
Reality TV Is Real: I'm really glad the show has finally started showing the staff of waiters, bartenders, and chefs at the vacation "house" where the family is staying. Why pretend Kourtney makes her own green tea? Show us the man who brings it to her!
Reality TV Is Fake: I get that it's the nature of reality TV to blow a kernel of disagreement into "I hate all of you and I'm never coming on vacation with you again!" but the drama of Khloé's vacation woes was a liiiiiiiiittle overblown, even by KUWTK standards.
Last Words: "We're unfuckable with." - Kim, discussing her dynamic with her sisters and also inspiring my new collarbone tattoo.
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